Baby Blues

I am 5 weeks post-partum and am having the "baby blues." Do not mistaken this for post-partum depression, because it is not. I am hormonal, I am exhausted and that makes me weepy. That's it. Even now, as I could cry at the drop of a hat, looking over at my sleeping Monkey brings a smile to my face.

I am blessed. I am happy. I really, truly, mean it.

But, you can be both those things and still be weepy. I haven't slept well in 5 weeks!!! Longer, if you count the uncomfortable, sleepless nights at the end of my pregnancy. When Monkey does sleep at night, he sleeps on my chest or right up next to me. Which means, I can't move. He will not sleep in his bassinet. Co-sleeping is the only way I'm getting ANY sleep, so I'll take the crappy sleep over none at all.

I'm also nursing, which means he's on me ALL THE TIME. It's a huge commitment and no one else can do it. Sure, a bottle of formula could do it, but I want to breast-feed for the few months that I'm home to do so.

I guess the 3 years since Bear was born has led to me to forget a lot. I feel like I'm in groundhog day. My life is changing diapers, feeding, crying (the baby) and laundry. Not to mention cooking, cleaning and taking care of Bear, too. Don't get me wrong, Hubby is hands-on, but I'm the one who is home. I'm the mom. I'm the one who LIKES to cook (when I have time) and who LIKES to take care of the house. What I don't like is being in the house all day. I don't like not having a schedule. Could I be any more anal?

This isn't a problem to be "fixed." This is just how I feel at this particular moment in time.

And, I CANNOT sleep when Monkey sleeps. I'm an adult. My body will not let me (no matter how tired it is) to conk out at 9 or 10 in the morning. I try to have a late afternoon rest, but that's the best I can do.

Maybe I'm trying to do too much. We've been doing ALL the things (outings, restaurants, etc.) we did before Monkey was born because we would all go crazy otherwise. Maybe I need to stop obsessing about the state of cleanliness of my house. I really wanted this newborn phase to be more than something I just survived or "got through." I want to cherish it. I have no idea if Monkey is my last child, so I don't want to take anything for granted.

In light of the above, I think I'm going to get my eyebrows waxed today. I need to put myself back on the list of people to take care of. Maybe if I didn't look like Grizzly Adams, I would have a brighter perspective. Yes, hair removal. Perhaps that's the answer...