Mr. Independent

Bear's daycare is closed today, tomorrow and monday for the 4th of July holiday. My office is open today, so I thought it would be a good time to "test drive" the daycare that we intend to start sending him to. They have drop-in (and it's cheaper than a babysitter), so I thought 3 hours there this morning would be a good way to ease him into a new place.

I told him last night that he'd be going to a "new school" today. I sold the idea to him by telling him about their awesome playground. That pretty much did it. Of course, it's raining (or threatening to) today, but I'm hoping they'll at least show it to him. Boys can be so simple.

He seemed excited about going to "new school" with new toys and a cool playground. When we pulled into the parking lot he asked me if Ms. Lisa was going to be there. That's his current daycare teacher who he LOVES. I told him she doesn't work here and he seemed to take that in stride.

We went into the center (obviously, this is vastly different than the in-home daycare environment he's used to) and he marched around like he owned the place. We went into the classroom where he was immediately distracted by a humongous sand table. He gave me a quick hug goodbye and that was our farewell. The teacher and director were shocked that there was so little drama, it being his first time there.

I wasn't shocked because Bear adapts pretty easily to new situations (involving toys and other kids). But, I was pleasantly surprised. I just called to check on him (he's been there about 2 hours) and was told that once he really realized I wasn't there he cried for a few minutes. He was distracted by snack time (again, simple pleasures), was good during circle time, painted a picture and was playing in the sandbox outside when I called.

I am so, so proud of him. I can't wait to hear him tell me all about his morning. I'm going to pick him up after lunch, but before nap time. Confidence isn't something you can necessarily teach a child, though you can encourage it, and he has always had it in spades. I'm definitely feeling better about moving him out of a daycare that he loves into this new place.

For all of the little things that I complain about when it comes to my rambunctious Bear, I do have to say -- it's nice to have a kid that you know can pretty much be happy anywhere.

Serenade

This may sound strange, but up until now, we haven't told Bear about the baby. It's not that I'm a prude, it's just I don't know how much his not-yet-3-year-old brain can process. I've been afraid that if I tell him there's a baby in my belly, he's going to think that I ate the baby. He's not stupid -- he knows how things get into his belly! He has had a decrease in available lap space and has been told almost daily to not kick or punch (accidentally, of course) mommy's belly. But, when I ask him if my belly is getting big, he just pulls up his shirt and says, "look at MY belly!" So, I figured I wouldn't push it unless he started asking questions.

I have also read that, with little ones, you shouldn't tell them about the baby until the end of the pregnancy for the simple reason that 9 months is an eternity for tots. We haven't started preparing the baby's room yet (so different from my 1st pregnancy!), so there are no outward signs to Bear that another little person is going to be living here soon.

We do, however, talk about a baby a lot. There's just no mention of when or how he will get here. It's more along the lines of Bear telling us he wants a baby brother (thank goodness we're having a boy!) and that he will share his toys with his baby brother and all the things he wants to teach his baby brother. It is seriously precious.

But, last night, I was reading to Bear and the baby was pushing my stomach all over the place. I took Bear's hand and put it on my stomach and said, "Do you feel that? That's your baby brother in there." After an incredulous look and some confused noises, I told him how mommy's belly is getting bigger all the time because the baby is getting bigger. And, once the baby is big enough, he can come out and we can hold him. Bear seemed satisfied with that and kissed my belly really softly. I told him that the baby could hear him if he wanted to sing a song.

So, in the softest voice (which is SO abnormal for Bear), he started singing to my belly and gently patting my belly button with one finger. After I choked back some tears, I listened to the song. It went a little something like this, "I'm putting boogies on your belly...boogies, boogies, boogies." And he WAS!

Boys are so gross. But then he took Hubby's hand and put it on my belly saying, "do you feel that? do you feel that?" And I was melting again. This kid is really toying with my pregnancy emotions! So, now that the cat is out of the bag, so to speak, any suggestions on good books that can better explain my pregnancy? I couldn't find any in Barnes & Noble. Also, if you have any favorites that talk about being a big brother, please let me know!

Holding On

Bear has turned into a MAJOR mommy's boy of late. I'm not complaining. I hope it's not hurting Hubby's feelings because it is to the point where he blatantly says he doesn't want his Daddy, only Mommy. As tired as I am chasing after him (I'm quite large for 6 months pregnant), I'm making a conscious effort to be mindful and fully present during our time alone. I know it's limited.

Every day that goes by is one less day that Bear will be an only child. One less day that he will be the recipient of ALL the love, attention, affection and patience that comes from being an only child, only nephew and only grandchild on both sides of the family. I know that the arrival of our new baby won't lessen the love anyone has for Bear, but, let's face it, he will have to share the spotlight for the first time in his entire life (which will be 3 years by then).

I am so bonded with Bear, I'm nervous about losing some of that. I plan to breast-feed the new baby, as I did with Bear, so there will obviously be times when my focus will be on the baby. In the beginning, I will need to take care of the baby more than anyone else can and he will require more attention than Bear will.

So, for now, I'm cherishing this special time. The time when our family is a little family of 3. I find myself staring (for embarrassingly long periods of time) at Bear while he watches tv. Because I think he's so amazing, I just can't take my eyes off this kid. I don't want to forget what he's like right now, while he's still my only son. My special boy. I will have to stop telling him he's my favorite boy, my favorite kid.
I think he instinctively knows something is going on (with the pregnancy), but doesn't know what. I think that's the reason behind him suddenly wanting to sit on my (disappearing) lap while watching tv, or wanting me to take him to school when his Dad always did that. It's like he knows that he only has my undivided attention for a little while longer.

As much as I'm looking forward to the arrival of this baby, I'm in no rush. Part of my identity right now is "Bear's mom." Soon enough there will be another name added before the word "mom." I am so blessed to be having another son, but I'm definitely having mixed emotions about having way less one-on-one time with my Bear.

Is this just my hormones gone wild or did you feel something similar when expecting your second?

Ch-Ch-Changes

So, we decided to move Bear to a new (big) daycare. This was a really tough decision, as he is so happy where he's at right now AND it's directly across the street from our house. But, the following factors have made us decide that the right thing to do would be to move him:

1. It is not a good environment for babies and I can't have the new baby and him in different daycares. It would be a logistical nightmare.
2. There are too many kids in his current daycare. It's a small space. It's even worse in the summer, where school-aged children who previously went there, come back since they have nowhere else to go.
3. His current daycare closes whenever it wants (for holidays, personal reasons, etc.), making us miss time from work that we wouldn't otherwise be taking off.
4. His current daycare closes at 5:00, meaning I have to leave BEFORE 5:00 to go get him and my bosses have let me know (1 1/2 years later) that this is unacceptable.

What REALLY sucks is that the cost is astronomical for 2 children. Now, we are trying to figure out when would be the best time to move him. I'm thinking sooner rather than later so he can be all settled in long before the baby arrives and causes more upheaval in his life. Also, I think the new daycare is a nicer place to be for the summer. The downside is that we'll be shelling out big bucks for the new place while I'm home on maternity leave, not making any money. Also, it will require a car ride (where I will have to schlep the new baby around) whereas his current place is a quick dash across the street (where I could leave baby sleeping in the bassinet for 3 minutes).

I hate, hate, hate stressing over these decisions. Bear has changed daycares before, but he wasn't really old enough to know what was going on. He loves his teacher and his friends. I'm going to drop him off at the new place for a few hours next week (when his current daycare is closed, so I don't have to miss a WHOLE day of work) and see what he thinks. I'm hoping he'll be excited about it because it's all new toys, a bigger playground, etc.

I have found that Bear tends to make transitions seamlessly. It doesn't stop me from worrying, though. How does your kid handle change?

Rhetorical

What would you do if you have come to the realization that you really, really, really should leave your job (for the preservation of your sanity, your pride, your own personal goals), but you find yourself 6 months pregnant (and let's face it, therefore, unemployable with a maternity leave looming)???

If you're me (which I happen to be), you will probably maintain the status quo because you're an adult. And, your family is on your health care benefits; and you make a nice living; and you know what you're doing at this job since you've been at it for 7 years; and...(enough already!)

If you're me, you will probably stay. At least for another year. And try not to let it eat away at your soul or at your happiness.

Freezing a few moments

Sometimes, things are only cute or funny because it's YOUR kid that's doing it. I don't care, I'm posting about it anyway. I don't ever want to forget what's been coming out of Bear's mouth as he (too) rapidly approaches age 3.

• "Mommy, when you were a little girl, were you a princess?" Of course, I told him yes. Where does he come up with this stuff?
• While climbing furniture, "Mommy! I'm a monkey-boy! Oohh--oooh--eeee-eee!"
• While eating and getting the food all over his nose and chin on purpose, "I'm a clown! I'm a clown!" Truer words have never been spoken.
• We were leaving Target, but Bear wanted to stay and shop. I asked him if he had any money, he said no. I told him he needs money to buy stuff. "Daddy, can I have some money to buy stuff?" When Hubby asked what he would buy, he said, "Pull-ups and underwears." Definitely my son -- so practical!
• When we're anywhere in public and it's quiet, Bear will shout, "I'm peeing! I peed!" Yes, he's still in a diaper. Don't judge me.
• Bear's nickname for me is "Little Mom Mom" Yes, I melt every time.
• Whenever we see anything about Disney on t.v., "Can we go back there sometime?" When I say yes, "Ok, tomorrow?"

There is something so wonderful about this age. He is equal parts maddening and adorable; affectionate and moody; helpful and intractable. I am so lucky to be his Little Mom Mom.

Time IS money

I work a lot. Not as many hours as I did when I was a "young" associate, because I work much more efficiently now than I used to. I don't work weekends anymore, unless I'm in trial, and that has become sacred time with my family. But, it's still a lot. And, I work at a job that doesn't end just because I walk out the door. I think about my cases and my clients constantly.

Because I don't want to spend the entirety of my weekend cleaning the house (which it would take, with Bear running around after me and messing it up along the way), years ago we hired a cleaning lady. We had her come every other week for a while, but in the last 8 months or so, we started having her come weekly.

It's been wonderful.

Now, no one will ever clean my house the way that I do. She does miss certain things. But, the house is WAY cleaner than if it were left to me and Hubby with our limited time to do housework. Last week, I tried something new. Peapod (a grocery-delivery company) and it worked out REALLY well for me. Usually, our Sunday mornings are spent food shopping, as we go to at least 2 grocery stores (Whole Foods, a "regular" grocery store and sometimes Sam's Club) and our organic farm. That means, half the day is spent food shopping which Bear HATES. And, I'm not so fond of it, myself. I'd rather be cooking or playing or doing laundry (not really, but a necessary evil).

The impetus for Peapod was that we were away the previous weekend at my parents' and didn't get our Sunday shopping done. By the time we get home from work at night, there's barely enough time for dinner, bath for Bear, a little play and cuddly time and then off to bed (I go shortly after Bear these days). That left NO time for food shopping at night and a house with no food in it.

I started feeling really guilty that I pay someone to clean MY home. To watch MY child. To pick out MY groceries. I feel like I'm spending all my time working. I was feeling like I'm paying other people to live (the un-glamorous parts of) MY life. Until Hubby reminded me that isn't the case. The money I'm spending directly correlates to time I can spend with my family. Because, believe me, time spent in the grocery stores is NOT quality time for us. It's time spent yelling at Bear because he's miserable and misbehaves. I feel like I have bought us some more time to spend at the zoo, or the aquarium or the museum, or cuddling up together in bed, as a family.

My point is this -- I've changed my definition over the years of "having it all." To me, having it all no longer means being able to DO it all (and all by myself). It means, being able to have the career I want, the family and home I want and spending my time (do moms get free time?) the way that I WANT, not the way that I necessarily have to.

I will always be the one who cooks my family dinner (and big breakfasts on the weekends), I will always the be the one tucking in and kissing Bear goodnight, I will always be the one doing the things that I think are important both to and for my family. So, I'm letting go of the guilt. And wishing my cleaning lady wasn't on vacation this week...